September 10, 2009

Things You Learn From Movies

I received this hilarious email from my dad in the morning, and I just had to share it with you. If you nodded vigorously and laughed at each point about Chinese and Indian movies, then you've definitely watched a lot of them. Well, I certainly did.


Things You Need to Know About Chinese Swordsman Movies

20090910 Chinese Movie

1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan.

2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and declared dead.

3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.

4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have gold and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.

5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.

6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.

7. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves and waistband and never drop them (carrying especially lots of those gold and silver ingots)

Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies

20090910 Indian Movie

1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.

2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.

3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.

4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-where and join them in the dance.

5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy who he is up against is actually his brother and the maid who looked after him is his mother and the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is his uncle and so forth.

6. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are No Problem!, My God!, Get Out!, Shut-up!, Impossible!, Please forgive me!

7. They drop down on the ground and roll and roll while singing and come out with different clothing.

8. They can run around the coconut trees, singing, batting eyes-lid, throwing glances at each other and change clothes all at the same time without being out of breath.


beetrice said...

wahahahaha...yup, definitely watched way too many Indian/Chinese movies!

one more to add to the pile - when someone tells the other to run away and hide when they're being attacked (be it children, relatives or partners), said person will always disobey and end up in trouble, sparking another whole chapter in the movie to rescue them.

can apply to both Chinese and Indian! LOL!

Adino said...

- In kung fu movies, the hero will always lose in his first encounter with the villain

- There will be a 1 minute 'training' montage where he miraculously improves his skills

- The hero defeats the villain by exploiting some silly weakness

- Movies share the same sound effects for punches and sword fights

Gallivanter said...

I enjoyed reading this!

LOL! What about Malay movies? Can of worms? Hahahaha! :-D

pinknpurplelizard said...

Hollywood movies

- Hero never dies.
- Hero never gets as much injuries as the baddie even-though he gets a serious beating.
- The boy always gets the girl in the end.
- Car chases and crashes.

The list goes on... ;)

Anonymous said...

I think the dancing for no reason scenes has become synonymous with Bollywood movies.