Forgiveness

It was just an ordinary Sunday morning. We headed to the church my in-laws go to every Sunday morning. To be honest, it wasn't really my thing, as the service was conducted in Chinese. They usually have an intepreter with the pastor, translating the sermon to English. I do not like such church services because I often find that it really lengthens the sermon unnecessarily, and makes the service feel rather disjointed.

I tagged along just the same, but like all the times I've been to a Chinese church, it was with a closed heart.

The praise and worship session was all right. Couldn't understand most of the songs as they were in Chinese. I kept looking at my watch, willing it all to be over soon.

Then came the collection of tithes, and soon enough, it was time for the sermon. That Sunday's message was about forgiveness. To my surprise, the pastor and his interpreter delivered the sermon very well. Enough anecdotes to make sure the sermon wasn't dry, but enough to make me ponder upon the subject of forgiveness. He mentioned on how God forgave us on our multitude of sins, therefore we should also forgive those who trespasses against us.

During the sermon, I did not look at the watch once.

When he talked about forgiving those who wronged you, just as He has forgave us, it really struck a chord in me. As though the demons in the past have come to play with my mind again. Have I forgiven? For I know I definitely have not forgotten.

As the sermon drew to a close, and the musicians went to do their thing, an overwhelming feeling of ... something came upon me. It wasn't so much of me forgiving another, but that despite all that I've done, despite all the wrong choices I made, despite the times when I shunned Him, turned away from Him, blamed Him for not giving me what I wanted, He forgave me. He forgave me despite everything I did to Him. And continued to shower me and my loved ones with abundant blessings.

It was then when the tears came. After a while, I fell into uncontrollable sobs. I have not cried in church in a very long time. Suddenly I felt His hand on my shoulder, His arms around me, and I fell apart.

It felt really good.