Expectations

I'm raring to go back to Malaysia. I really am. I haven't seen my family and friends in what seems like ages, and I'm beyond excited to be leaving for the States in a couple of weeks. But the one thing that is really making me dread going back is this one question that I know every single person I meet up with will ask me.

"So, have you gotten a job yet?"

If you're asking me if I'm working as an engineer yet, the answer is no. But if you're asking me if I'm working as something else, on something else, then the answer is yes. It took much deliberation over the past months to finally come to the conclusion that I don't want to go back to that field. Ever.

Well, surprise surprise. It was never something I was good at, nor something I was interested in. In fact, every day back then was a challenge to keep a straight face that I've been fooling everyone with, that I was actually good in what I do. I wasn't. Engineering never came easy for me, and it was a struggle to keep up with. It was a challenge all right.

But see, I can take challenges. Don't get me wrong there. Challenges keep my mind sharp. But I'd so much rather be challenged in something that I'd love to be challenged with. Not something I have to struggle so hard to only keep up with. I don't want to just keep up. I want to excel. It really doesn't take a genius to guess I'm never going to do so as an engineer.

Again, don't get me wrong. I do have technical skills. I have strong ones, in fact. Just not in designing a chip, or troubleshooting equipment. I know how to do them not because I already knew how to, but from experience on the times that I screwed up. The technical know-how just does not come to me easily. It's bloody frustrating, that much I can say.

My mum thinks it's a disappointment that I'm leaving that field. Oh what a waste of money on your tertiary education and all that. You see, everyone expects me to be an engineer because I graduated as one. Because I worked for four years as one. It's just sad that no one ever took my second degree, a Masters degree mind you, seriously. The degree that I wanted to do, not something I had to do. And it's from the second degree that would be a start of a whole new career. Perhaps not as financially appealing as an engineer's, but it's what I want. It's time I finally do what I wanted to do all along.

I've already started on it. It's not officially launched yet, but at least it's a beginning. It's never easy venturing into something new, but dammit, I'm finally good at something, so I'm taking this challenge head on. Yes, I will be working from home for the time being, but I'm not complaining. Not yet anyway. I'm going for courses to brush up and improve my skills. I'm doing something.

So what am I going to say, in response to that question?

I'll let you know when I see you.