I’m feeling rather blah today, which means that I’m having a mixture of good and bad emotions swirling about in me, intertwining with each other, ready to burst anytime. I awoke from a horrible nightmare (it’d kill me if it came true) this morning. Work’s just as crappy. Somebody up there must not like me. One problem solved, another crops up without warning. There is no way I’m going to go home guilt-free if I do not finish everything in time. I wish I could scream “I GIVE UP! Solve your own damn problems”. Sigh.
In insisting NOT to extend my stay in Japan, I have already stepped on quite a lot of toes. Being the hopeless people-pleaser that I am, this is a rather strong step for me to stand my ground and not crumble when I was asked to stay a couple of weeks more in Japan. Only ONE can win in this situation. Call me selfish, but “mm hai lei sei, chao hai ngor mong” (in Cantonese, literally translated to “either you die, or I’ll be busy”). It’s non-stop PMS, affecting me, and those whom I care about very badly. For the sake of my sanity, to hell with you, but I’m going home.
It’s amazing how the mind works. Or how circumstances and the environment can reduce you to something that you never thought you could become. Never again shall I judge a person the whole world might deem unrighteous, because I could very well be that person one day.
I already am.
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