March 25, 2009

On Having Children

I'm torn when it comes to having kids. There are times when I'm broody. That would come when I see a cute baby in a stroller, a mother bouncing a little girl on her knee, or reading mummy blogs. Those are the times where my broody, maternal instincts would come so strong, that I would immediately feel a surge of longing for one of my own. My insides turn to mush when I see cute baby clothes on sale. Show me a tiny bootie, and my voice turns incoherent.

But other times (and this happens a lot more), where I don't want children. When they're screaming, crying, fretting and yelling for goodness-knows-what. See, for me, when someone actually hands me their baby to carry, I'm stumped. I just don't know what to do with them. Put me in a room with children, and I want to run to the nearest exit. My husband's great with kids; he knows what to do with them, how to make them laugh, keep them occupied. I just look at them and go "Errr ... what now?".

I also happen to be in a country where disciplining children the way my mother disciplined me is absolutely not accepted. No rotan, or else they'll call child services. Oh boy.

People tell me that when the time comes, I'll know. I'll know what to do, and I'll do it well. When I put the wee bootie back on the rack and my voice goes back to normal, I know one thing.

I know that the time isn't now.


jemima said...

Children are God's gifts.

HE will reward you with them when you're ready.

Evelyn said...

haha... I get what you mean. I am cuteless too. I am caring for an orphan and I actually asked him what do you want to do? He answered I dunno. Guess I have much communication skills to work on.

pelf said...

I'm pretty much the opposite.

I used to say (like, a hundred percent sure) that I would never want kids because of the pain (gulps!) and what-nots.

But these days, I find myself thinking of my own (non-existent) kids and how many kids I want in the future.

But you know what? Despite that, I think the timing isn't right too, LOL.

Lingzie said...

same here. i really think that i have no maternal instincts whatsoever. i dunno what to do with kids, how to play with them etc. i do think that kids are cute and all. but leave them alone with me and i'll panic.
but he says that when the time comes i'll know what to do. i hope he's right!!

geekchic said...

Au contraire, i think kids are manipulative little monsters. I've only met a handful who are well-behaved and in general, I don't find them cute. They're usually grubby and a ticking timebomb waiting to explode into wails at the most inconvenient time. I don't like kids. I detest kids. Maybe hate is too strong a word but i'm close to using that. Give me a big fluffy dog (retrievers, labradors, samoyeds, beagles, I'm good with dogs in general), I'll turn into a puddle of mush but give me a kid, I'll probably look right through him :P

IF I ever change my mind and have kids, I'll definitely have the rotan ready. Don't worry, i know of plenty asian parents here who rotan the kids. god knows they need it sometimes!

littleComma said...

only have kids when you are ready. :) so, don't pressure yourself unnecessarily. u r still young anyway .. !

cheryl said...

I was going to do a post about having kids too! :)

I have been told many times that I would make a great mom because I am quite good with kids (not in a playful way but a firm hand of guidance sort of way) but all the same I have never felt clucky. I am surrounded by friends who ooh and ahh over cute babies and it is a sentiment I cannot understand or share. And like you, I have been told many times that I would know different when I have my own. However that time is not yet now and I cannot picture myself being tied down by the responsibility of children for the 25 years (and maybe longer!) even though the biological clock is ticking. So how leh?

I must admit though that lately I have been softening a little when I see a baby in a pram. But it is still not enough for me to take the plunge :)

Oh and I have been told that some Asian parents here do take up the rod and not spoil the child regardless of the rules of the country. I guess the risk of child services is not as great as the risk of a child gone astray.

Very long comment heh... but I can so understand where your post is coming from..

Shuo said...

Don't worry about not knowing what to do with children. Just ship them to the parents-in-laws or send them to daycare for the whole day like many women who have children just to carry on the family name do. Easy-peasy.

fashionasia said...

:) having kids is the next phase in life after marriage comes naturally. But don't rush!! enjoy your time with each other first! You have got to be READY in every area ie. emotionally, financially,physically! Prepare yourself first. Take it frm a new mama totally overwhelmed by the experience but then again i've always love kids! :)

zewt said...

why more and more female nowadays dont wanna have kids? hmmm...

oh... rotan is the best way to discipline kids, the reason why kids are screaming at parents nowadays is simply becos the rotan has been kept at bay.