Letting Go Can Be A Good Thing

The office politics I was ranting about a couple of weeks ago have somewhat settled. I've finally conceded and am finally mentally prepared to surrender my position as a project leader to someone else (even though I'm officially still one, in the organisation chart, up to the point when I leave for good).

Learning to let go is not easy. It was not easy in letting go of a relationship, and it certainly was not easy to let go of my hard-earned position at work either. Yet, in doing so, it made life a lot easier for me, and I'm finally letting the bugger in to help me out with the leadership of the team. Again, in doing so, he sensed my relenting, and he backed off and gave me the space I needed for the transition.

I'm not surrendering because I'm not good at what I do. Nor am I doing so because I cannot be arsed to think about all this anymore, just because I am already leaving. In swallowing my pride and letting someone else take over, even though I'm not all that keen on the person, makes it easier for the members in the team to know who to turn to when problems arise. Our feud made it difficult for them to recognise a leader, and this wasn't fair to them. I don't want my prejudice of the person cloud my better judgment.

In a couple of weeks, I'll be finally making that transition official. As much as I want to leave for Melbourne to begin a new chapter of my life, it really is difficult saying goodbye to the people who have helped shaped who I am today. I've made some wonderful friendships; some have become one of my closest friends, who had been with me during my most difficult moments. My heart is heavy at the thought of leaving them.

I'll even miss the rat race. Imagine that. My next rat race will be in a totally new environment, with different people. Ambition keeps my brains from going mush. The passion of wanting to succeed. You know what I mean?

Changes. It can be a good thing if you let it be.

And I will.

Finally, An End To The Week

Thank God the weekend's almost here. I've been so busy and stressed out of my eyeballs lately.

I've got a week before Tim is back in Malaysia for a short 1-week break, and I have to get all my documents and forms sorted out before I lodge my Australian visa application at the Australian High Commission in KL the following Monday. There's just so much to do, so much evidence to give. Apparently a marriage certificate just isn't enough.

Well, to be fair, I figured as much as to prevent marriages of convenience in order to get an Australian visa. But still! Having to submit copies of very personal letters we exchanged during our period of separation, and to have an Tom, Dick or Sally read 'em, just gives me the heebie-jeebies. Thank goodness we didn't exchange anything naughty in our cards (we kept those for *ahem* other times. Tee hee!).

"Aiyoooo ... lu tengok dia ni orang tulis apa?? Lu tengok, lu tengok!" (look at what they're writing! Look! Look!)

"Gasp ... wahlau eh ... so 'mor kui chang!'" (goose-pimples-inducing)

I'm keeping my fingers tightly crossed that everything will go smoothly. After lodging the application, I can finally chuck that aside and concentrate on the wedding preparations.

Y'know, I really gotta stop stressing myself out like this, over all this. I was looking at myself intently in the mirror a couple of weeks ago, and realised that in the last few weeks, I frowned so much that my lines, especially the ones right between my eyebrows, are now much, much deeper than before!! And four months before the wedding too! How can?!

Sigh.

Anyways.

The weekend's finally here, folks. Have a good one.

Happy Birthday Paris!

Big birthday shoutout to my dear blogger pal, PARIS!!

My dear, you have been a sheer blogging inspiration to me. Without you, I would not have lasted this long on my blog. Because of you, I started me very own beauty blog! Okay, okay, better stop sounding like some sort of weird blog stalker ... I just want to say THANK YOU :)

And many many happy returns of the day! Have some calorie-free cake :p

Twitter's Back

I've put my Twitter back on the blog. I don't why I did, 'cos I un-put it the last time.

Oh well. I hereby declare that it shall stay here until I don't know what to do about it anymore. Or till I cannot tahan its presence.

Twit! Twit!

Sickie Weekend

I am sick. Again :(

This isn't good. For the past two decades, I've never been sick more than twice a year, but this year, it's like my immune system's been shot to pieces.

Just got back from the doctor's. Check out my "loot".

The doc diagnosed me with acute tonsillitis. Just as well, I have high fever, and every time I swallow, it feels as though there's fire in my throat. Worst of all, my lymph nodes on my left side are now really swollen and painful.

I don't know whether to go to work tomorrow. I mean, I'm sicker than a cat, but I do have work to do, plus I don't want that idiot in the office to think I'm skivving off work again. Office politics. Don't you just hate 'em?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a LOT of drugs to take. Whee.

Thank You

Thank you for all the lovely comments you posted on my last entry.

Many of you wondered how it was that I could have written and posted something so personal.

This was actually a meme which I saw in a few very good blogs, written by beautiful men and women with great inner strength. I started this as a draft almost a year ago, but I never did have the courage nor strength to finish writing it, and to actually reveal such a private part of my life.

Till now.

I Am The Girl was the most difficult entry I have ever written. It brought back a flood of memories, which a year and a half ago, would have broke me, but now, they are nothing but that. It doesn't mean that I am totally immune to the pain, but I have learned to let go.

It is true when they say you need closure after a really bad experience. I can finally move on with my life. I finally have closure. There is no longer anything to hold me back from pursuing the happiness I deserve.

It's very humbling admitting my mistakes. Yet, as difficult as it is, I see it as a small step of growth. Knowing that I'm fallible, that I'm accountable to my wrongdoings isn't easy. It never is.

I am not a beautiful person. Far from it. I am human. I have done things which I am not proud of, which will stay with me for the rest of my life. I can only embrace those mistakes, and try to be a better person.

It is wonderful to know that my life isn't over. In fact, it has only just begun.

And that, my friend, is what they call "closure" - Rachel, The One Where Ross Finds Out, FRIENDS

I Am The Girl

I am the baby whose parents thought was the most beautiful baby in the world when I was born.

I am the baby whose parents thought was the ugliest baby ever when my much cuter lil' baby brother was born.

I am the daughter who would jump at any chance to preen in front of the camera her daddy was holding.

I am the daughter whose mum used the rotan on the legs and arms, never on the buttocks, so that I could "show the cane marks off" to her friends in school, thus shaming me to never be naughty again.

I am the daughter whose mum would force to write two pages of English exercises daily, and to do arithmetic sums on the whiteboard prepared by dad.

I am the girl whose English and Mathematics were good in school because of that.

I am the daughter who disappointed her daddy for stealing library books from school.

I am the sister who beat you up bad when I was young, but I love you to bits now.

I am the girl who read Judith Mcnaught books in Standard Six, and wondered what "making love" was.

I am the girl who rejoiced when my period first came, because it meant that I was now more "mature" than her friends.

I am the friend who had one lesbian dream about you, but I never told you.

I am the girl who studied in an all-girl school for 11 years, thus not being able to talk to boys in fear of making a fool of myself.

I am the girl who was so excited on my first day of college, and was crestfallen when I was one of the very few girls in a male-dominated course.

I am the girl whose hand you held when we went ice-skating, even though I could skate better than you.

I am the girl who took your hand when you asked me to be your girlfriend.

I am the girlfriend who hardly went out with you when we were in the UK, because I thought it'd be more fun going out on my own.

I am the girl who continued with a Masters degree just because I wasn't ready to start working.

I am the girl who cried my heart out on the day I left UK for good.

I am the girl whom nobody talked to on my first day of work.

I am the girl who broke your heart after nearly six years of dating just because I thought I wanted more.

I am the granddaughter whose tears couldn't stop falling when you died.

I am the girl who pretended to be good at what I do, when in fact, I know nothing.

I am the girl who text-messaged you warm wishes when you were going to Japan.

I am the girl whose heart leapt when you first held my hand.

I am the girl who jumped at the chance of going to Japan just to be near you.

I am the girl whose heart you broke to pieces when you told me you were getting married to someone else.

I am the girl who lost faith in God because I thought He wasn't answering my prayers.

I am the girl who tried to kill myself because I thought I could no longer survive.

I am the girl who bears scars on her wrists to this day to remind me that no man is worth dying for.

I am the girl whom you finally freed when you told me you were going to be a father.

I am the friend whom you lifted out of my despair, and cried on your shoulder.

I am the friend who took advantage of my vulnerable situation just to have someone hold me close.

I am the girl who lost a friend because of my selfishness.

I am the friend who cried when I sang at your wedding when you were walking down the aisle.

I am the long-lost friend whom you emailed just to catch up.

I am the girl who looked forward to chatting with you online every night.

I am the girl who arranged to meet up with you during Chinese New Year but broke our date at the very last minute.

I am the girl whose heart beat so hard when you asked. Via text message.

I am the girl who would tell you the answer face to face, thus making you wait.

I am the girlfriend who thanked God that you gave me my best first kiss.

I am the girlfriend who cried buckets when you had to go back to Australia.

I am the girl whom you brought closer to God through prayer.

I am the girl who wouldn't take it seriously when you first proposed, and smiled so hard when you asked again.

I am the woman who found love once again because of you.

I am the woman whom you lovingly called "wifey" on the day of our registration.

I am the friend who sometimes wishes she gets you, when in fact, she doesn't.

I am the woman who wants to do more with her life, than just to climb the corporate ladder which she does not even have interest in.

I am the woman who is apprehensive yet excited on starting a new life.

I am the woman who discovered writing, and how cathartic it can be.

I am Tine. Always have been. Always will be.

Five, Five, FIVE!

5 things found in my room:

• My trusty notebook
• A 29-inch flat-screen telly, thanks to my dad (who won it in a golf competition, by the way), and an el-cheapo DVD player, both providing me many hours of in-room entertainment.
• A dressing table filled with beauty products (tsk tsk tsk)
• A director's chair (have always wanted one of these; more comfy for my many hours on my computer)
• A bed with 2 soft toys from Tim, and, get this - FOUR pillows and THREE bolsters :p

5 things I’ve always wanted to do:

• Sing at the Royal Albert Hall (yeah, it's a dream :p)
• Star at a Kopitiam-styled sitcom
• Write a bestselling novel
• Visit Europe (see how I've cleverly sneaked in more countries to visit. Tee hee hee!)
• Go back to Dundee to visit my old friends

5 things found in my bag:

• Wallet
• Mobile phone
• My Lulu Guiness tissue holder (tissues, Palmer's Cocoa Butter lipbalm, lipstick, comb, small mirror, blotters). I bought the LG holder, which comes with a pretty handkerchief, for only 1000yen.
• USB drives - a 2GB and 512MB thumbdrive, a 1GB SD card, a 1GB miniSD card, and SD card reader (*cough* geek *cough*)
• Organiser
• Business card holder - networking is so important, no?

5 things found in my wallet:

• Cash
• Credit cards
• Identification card and driver's license
• Stamps, bits of paper, my many "membership cards"
• A photo of Tim and I

5 things I’m currently into:

• Wedding planning
• Australian spouse visa application
• Checking out home interior decorating books and buying knick-knacks for our future home in Melbourne ;)
• Web design - learning more by tweaking my beauty blog's layout for a more professional "feel"
• Bones - it's not as interesting as CSI, but somehow I'm hooked

Now that I've told you what's in my room, bag and wallet, don't rob me ya? I have no money one :p

My Blogging Station

Oooh lookie here. A peek into my room. More specifically, my haven, my spot of comfort. My blogging station.

My trusty old notebook (which I guard with my life, and am very paranoid about), a good set of speakers (in my book, anyway), a nice cuppa tea ... and I'm all set for my usual writing. Of course, I also *ahem* blog *ahem* at the office, but I don't have to tell you why I can't post a picture of that ;)

By the way, I do not have a Hello Kitty fetish. The mousepad was a gift from my dad (he got it in Taiwan), who thought because I'm a girl, I'd like Hello Kitty. Yeah, go figure :p The Hello Kitty fan's the only one available when I was at the very very hot Kek Lok Si.

Anyways.

What's your blogging station like?

PS: Oh, and my wee external hard disk? Provides many hours of HDTV-quality entertainment, if you know what I mean *wink wink*

PPS: It's not porn.

Complete The Sentence

Ahh, my first tag from TrueBluePenangite and May. For the rest of the tags which I still owe you folks, very sorry hoh, I haven't forgotten any of them; in fact, I'm drafting them out now as I have loads to do! *sheepish grin*. I'll get to 'em, I promise! *fingers crossed behind my back*

For now, my task is to complete the sentences provided. Here goes nothing.

1. I've come to realise that my last kiss was in front of my family at The Curve with my husband of a day, just before we parted ways and will not see each other again in over two months.
2. I am listening to Forever Tonight by Peter Cetera and Crystal Bernard (I am so in love with this song. Sigggghhhh ...)
3. I talk non-stop.
4. I love singing in the shower, and dancing in front of the mirror.
5. My best friends are very close to my heart, but all over the world.
6. My car is a Proton Waja. Not exactly the most fantastic car in the world, but I paid every sen of it with my sweat-and-blood money, so yeah, I'm quite proud of it, although I tell people that it's a shitty Proton :p
7. My love life is a blessing from God.
8. I hate it when people ask me if I need a new credit card, just because Bank A, Bank B to Bank Z are having yet-another-free-for-life promotion.
9. Love is beautiful.
10. Marriage is a sacred union and should not be taken lightly.
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking "good Lord, is this girl blogging AGAIN?!"
12. I'm always on Facebook. I have to stop, I really do. My addiction is getting out of hand :(
13. I have a secret cheesy crush on Hugh Jackman. Ever since Kate and Leopold. What a beautiful, beautiful man.
14. My cell phone is never switched off, and is always with me. Thus I have no excuse that you can't reach me :p
15. When I wake up in the morning I wish I can stay in a little longer.
16. When I go to bed at night I always receive a good night text message from Tim. Even though we've chatted for hours. Yep, we're cheesy like that :p
17. Right now I am thinking about what to do for my four-day weekend. Yep, I get Friday, and next Monday off for the Raya holidays. God bless Malaysia and her many, many races :)
18. Babies are not my thing. Not now anyway.
19. I get on MySpace nope, I don't use MySpace. Facebook is bad enough.
20. Today I am not in the mood to work, as I keep thinking about the long weekend.
21. Tonight I will continue tweaking the new layout for my beauty blog (stay tuned!). For some reason, web design, CSS, HTML and all that relaxes me. I'm such a nerd.
22. Tomorrow I will be able to sleep in. Woohoo!
23. I really want to go to Paris and Italy. I'm just going to keep repeating that until someone gets the hint and bring me there :p
24. Someone that will most likely repost this is Paris, so TAG! :p

I'm Going To Live Till 102!

Guess when I'm going to die?

This is what happens when you're bored to death (ouch!). Not at work, mind you, but at home, when I'm supposed to be resting and nursing my cold. Instead I'm on Facebook, buying everyone lots of alcohol, and having chicken heads thrown at me.

Oh well. All in a day.

PS: Go on. Give the site a go. You know you want to ;)

I Am Sick

I am down with a flu :(

Posts will resume in a couple of days. Sorry folks, gotta nurse meself back to shape. See lah, the stress has finally broken me *whimper*. Physically anyway :p

See y'all soon!

I Heart MIX FM But ...

One of the perks (they are few, by the way) of my workplace is that as I work on my computer terminal, I get to listen to music while I work. Gotta have my earphones hooked on, of course, but yeah, I get to listen to music while I'm on the computer. So anyways, after listening to my iTunes for too long (that's *ahem* almost 16GB worth of songs in my PC *ahem*), I got tired of it, and started listening to the wee portable radio I have.

So anyways, these days I've been listening to a lot of MIX FM. I especially enjoy the breakfast show with Ika, Serena C and Pietro. Man, they're a crazy lot. It's really funny to hear the two girls ganging up on the poor fella, who, by the way, always get bullied into doing crazy stuff with the rest of the male DJs just because the *ahem* LADIES keep winning Who Wears The Pants :p If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then go listen to Mix FM! (I'm not paid to write this, by the way, which you'll know why soon).

Okay, MIX FM, guys, I love your station, especially the Mix Breakfast shows with the three hilarious jokers, but I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you.

First of all, I don't understand the need to have Phua Chu Kang in your shows. He may be funny on the actual sitcom, but far from it on the air. He speaks too fast, and his jokes are lame. Somehow I think adding PCK kinda insults the intelligence of the listeners. The Manglish/Singlish thing? Really overrated, guys. I always switch to another station when he gets on air. I don't know about you, but it irritates me in the morning.

Oh, and MIX FM Make The First Move? I've been listening to the shows for a week now, and I don't know, it just somehow seems WRONG to be making the first move for someone who wants to date or make a date with someone else when the whole NATION's listening to y'all. Getting to know someone, dating someone is a personal thing. I've heard a couple of callers who requested Ika, Serena C and Pietro to help them get the girls, but when they answered the phone, and found out what was going on, they were pissed off. I remembered a couple of lines.

"This is a personal affair between X and I" (said very coldly)

(girl to the caller) "YOU ACTUALLY GAVE MY NUMBER TO THE STATION???"

Unless you know the girl's a good sport, really, I think MIX FM is mucking things up even more than actually helping.

Anyways, that's that. Just a little rant for the weekend. I'll still continue to listen to the Breakfast Show, that's for sure. I mean, the three fellas are pretty much the only DJs worth listening to anyway ;)

I Promise To Be Good

I woke up this morning, determined to be positive in all that I do. Well, at least for today. I was determined not to let anything get to me today.

And it didn't.

I was actually nice to the one person whom I've been real annoyed at for the past few weeks. Even though time and again, all I could think of was giving this person a wedgie or two for being a responsibility-pushing, credit-taking pain in the behind. And believe me, it took every ounce of me to be nice. I tried not to fake it, but many a time, it was very difficult. Wedgie! Wedgie!

As for the other stuff, like wedding preparations and all, well, so far things are going all right. Which is good *fingers crossed behind my back*

Anyways, that's for today. I'm not exactly Pollyanna, but I was, on the whole, very pleasant. I'm just glad that everything went my way.

Who knows, all hell might break loose come tomorrow *wink wink*

A Prayer

Lord, help me to be more understanding of him, who's so far away. I pray for Your wisdom and Your strength. I don't want to go through this relationship alone. I don't want to wear him down with my insecurities. Not again.

Be with me Lord, during this time. Be with us.

Amen.