I Am The Girl

I am the baby whose parents thought was the most beautiful baby in the world when I was born.

I am the baby whose parents thought was the ugliest baby ever when my much cuter lil' baby brother was born.

I am the daughter who would jump at any chance to preen in front of the camera her daddy was holding.

I am the daughter whose mum used the rotan on the legs and arms, never on the buttocks, so that I could "show the cane marks off" to her friends in school, thus shaming me to never be naughty again.

I am the daughter whose mum would force to write two pages of English exercises daily, and to do arithmetic sums on the whiteboard prepared by dad.

I am the girl whose English and Mathematics were good in school because of that.

I am the daughter who disappointed her daddy for stealing library books from school.

I am the sister who beat you up bad when I was young, but I love you to bits now.

I am the girl who read Judith Mcnaught books in Standard Six, and wondered what "making love" was.

I am the girl who rejoiced when my period first came, because it meant that I was now more "mature" than her friends.

I am the friend who had one lesbian dream about you, but I never told you.

I am the girl who studied in an all-girl school for 11 years, thus not being able to talk to boys in fear of making a fool of myself.

I am the girl who was so excited on my first day of college, and was crestfallen when I was one of the very few girls in a male-dominated course.

I am the girl whose hand you held when we went ice-skating, even though I could skate better than you.

I am the girl who took your hand when you asked me to be your girlfriend.

I am the girlfriend who hardly went out with you when we were in the UK, because I thought it'd be more fun going out on my own.

I am the girl who continued with a Masters degree just because I wasn't ready to start working.

I am the girl who cried my heart out on the day I left UK for good.

I am the girl whom nobody talked to on my first day of work.

I am the girl who broke your heart after nearly six years of dating just because I thought I wanted more.

I am the granddaughter whose tears couldn't stop falling when you died.

I am the girl who pretended to be good at what I do, when in fact, I know nothing.

I am the girl who text-messaged you warm wishes when you were going to Japan.

I am the girl whose heart leapt when you first held my hand.

I am the girl who jumped at the chance of going to Japan just to be near you.

I am the girl whose heart you broke to pieces when you told me you were getting married to someone else.

I am the girl who lost faith in God because I thought He wasn't answering my prayers.

I am the girl who tried to kill myself because I thought I could no longer survive.

I am the girl who bears scars on her wrists to this day to remind me that no man is worth dying for.

I am the girl whom you finally freed when you told me you were going to be a father.

I am the friend whom you lifted out of my despair, and cried on your shoulder.

I am the friend who took advantage of my vulnerable situation just to have someone hold me close.

I am the girl who lost a friend because of my selfishness.

I am the friend who cried when I sang at your wedding when you were walking down the aisle.

I am the long-lost friend whom you emailed just to catch up.

I am the girl who looked forward to chatting with you online every night.

I am the girl who arranged to meet up with you during Chinese New Year but broke our date at the very last minute.

I am the girl whose heart beat so hard when you asked. Via text message.

I am the girl who would tell you the answer face to face, thus making you wait.

I am the girlfriend who thanked God that you gave me my best first kiss.

I am the girlfriend who cried buckets when you had to go back to Australia.

I am the girl whom you brought closer to God through prayer.

I am the girl who wouldn't take it seriously when you first proposed, and smiled so hard when you asked again.

I am the woman who found love once again because of you.

I am the woman whom you lovingly called "wifey" on the day of our registration.

I am the friend who sometimes wishes she gets you, when in fact, she doesn't.

I am the woman who wants to do more with her life, than just to climb the corporate ladder which she does not even have interest in.

I am the woman who is apprehensive yet excited on starting a new life.

I am the woman who discovered writing, and how cathartic it can be.

I am Tine. Always have been. Always will be.