January 08, 2007

Memories In Our Hearts, Not Our Phones

(A personal post)

As I was doing my usual blog-surfing, I found a post which struck a cord in me.

Do read it before you continue with my entry.

I, too, used to keep my text messages in my mobile's inbox and folders, all for sentimental reasons. To tell you the truth, I still do it, but there is a limit to it now.

For the past couple of years, I used to keep every single text message the exes sent me. When it got too much for my mobile phone to handle, I'd source the Internet for any piece of software which could allow me to save these messages out of my phone to my PC. Only then would I be willing to delete 'em off my phone, as I would still be able to keep those old messages.

Whenever I was feeling lonely and blue, especially during my times in Japan, I'd go through every message in my phone, reading the messages, which gave me temporary relief. But, at the end of the day, I ended up feeling even more lonely and miserable than before, because such so-called relief was all I got. All I had were memories which I could only keep, but not re-live. I clung to the past possessively. Unneccesarily.

It was sad how the few hundreds of text messages could screw me up like that. My mobile became my lifeline; I could only look forward to the next text message to arrive, which I would then fiercely read and store into my Personal folder. In the dark of the night, when I was all alone in my room, I would take out these messages to read again.

Everytime something bad happens, when life screws me over, I'd delete all of these messages, hoping that I could somehow 'erase' the past and start afresh. Yet, when things are rosy, I'd start keeping 'em all over again. It was a vicious cycle.

I agree with Arth, you cannot move on and accept the new things in your life, if you continue to cling to your past. It took me a long time to accept these new changes, and when I finally deleted all the old messages FOR GOOD, it felt great. It initially felt somewhat strange, and, I'd admit, a little sad, for I was finally tearing away from what used to hold me back. But ultimately, I felt good. Not anxiously waiting and wondering when the next text message was coming felt good.

I still save my text messages, as my current mobile can store quite a bit more than my previous ones, but it wouldn't affect me much if I were to delete them. Don't get me wrong, I do save the sweet messages the boyfriend sends me, but I no longer feel lost and wretched if they do get deleted. The memories are there in my heart. Not in my phone.

At the end of the rainbow, I feel that there IS a pot of gold for me. Along the way, we'd build bittersweet memories, which we keep in our minds and hearts. The mobile phone is just a piece of metal, which should only be used for what it's made for, and not to take hold of our lives as such.

Go ahead, take that step. Delete those messages which you know you should. You may not know it now, but you'd feel much better after you do. Just like the rainbow after the storm.

I quote Arth, whose words hold true, "If you are incapable of keeping memories in your own head, then those memories aren't worth keeping".


Jemima said...

Hi there, thanks for dropping by my blog. :)

I kept all my memories in my heart.. both sweet & bitter.. but just in case I should lose my memory one day.. I've handwritten them in my journal... hoping that someone will read them to me.. out of love.. not pity.. just as in the movie & the novel.. "The Notebook".

andylkw said...

lol, so, there's another one like me. hahaha. i keep my sms till it's full.